


the roads we take (and where they lead)

by orangecherry



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Ennoshita Chikara-centric, MANGA SPOILERS!!!, Multi, Unrequited Love, angst and feelings???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:21:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22571674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orangecherry/pseuds/orangecherry
Summary: the envelope in chikara's hands weighs more than it should, and it pulls and tugs at the seams of a part of his life that he's been trying to sew shut.
Relationships: Ennoshita Chikara/Tanaka Ryuunosuke
Comments: 5
Kudos: 45





	the roads we take (and where they lead)

chikara eyes the off-white envelope on his desk that remains untouched, sitting there amidst the chaos of unfiled paperwork that he has yet to take on. it's another one of those busy days where he's booked to the minute. his first appointment was at 9 am, and he has been seeing patients since then. the digital clock on the wall reads 20:32, meaning he had been at the clinic for almost half a day. and it's a new record for him, honestly. it's only been a couple of months since he graduated, but he's managed to spend half that time working himself to the bone. 

as per usual, he's the last one left. the rest of his colleagues prefered to keep their schedules from 9 to 5. he slumps down on his chair, trying to busy himself by sorting through the stack of brown folders, trying to ignore the familiar gnawing at the pit of his stomach.

but once he's cleared his desk, he's faced with the inevitable.

so he picks it up with both hands, letting the feelings he's been suppressing the entire day wash over him. the envelope in his hands weighs more than it should, and it pulls and tugs at the seams of a part of his life that he's been trying to sew shut. 

oddly enough, it was mailed to the clinic, and their receptionist had handed it over to him while he was taking a quick lunch, one that he managed to sneak in because a patient was late to their scheduled appointment. but it made sense, he hasn't been in touch, they wouldn't know his new address.

he knew it was coming, after all, kinoshita and narita had been messaging him about it all week long. but still, holding it now in his hands makes everything real. 

he flips the envelope over and at the back was his name, in a handwriting that was too familiar. too familiar, he had to close his eyes to calm himself. 

his thoughts drift to the messages he exchanged with kinoshita a couple of months ago, when the photos and congratulatory messages filled his facebook feed. 

_ hey, chikara. you okay?  _

he remembers replying with an emoji, the smiling one without teeth and a thumbs up. he had just finished his thesis defense then and was getting ready for the last of his practical exams when he had a bit of time to breathe and check his social media accounts to catch up with what he had been missing all those days that passed in a blur of revising his thesis and preparing for his exams. 

he remembers feeling so guilty, because he felt so bad, so hurt, even when he shouldn't be, because they deserved to be happy, tanaka and shimizu did. 

and as their friend, he should be happy. and he was, he is. 

but despite all his efforts to forget, to run away from the feelings that had plagued him in high school, his heart still ached for what never was. 

he should have known better, after all, running away had never really worked for him. when he ran away from the volleyball club, it only left him with a realization that despite how difficult the training was, there was no place else he'd rather be. 

and for years, the fact that he had runaway plagued him and planted a seed of doubt in his mind. he knew running away wouldn't work, but his third year self had thought it was the only choice he could make. 

he'd like to think third year chikara made that decision because he felt cornered, because the crush that he thought would go away only grew stronger that year. being captain and vice-captain had eventually led to a drastic increase in time they spent with just the two of them. and the more time they spent together, the stronger his feelings had grown. 

maybe it had been a trick of the mind that fooled his heart, but back then, when everyone else had found him hard to read, tanaka had picked up on the little things. when he would suddenly quiet down when they were running through plays, doubting himself and what he knows, tanaka would always give him that little push he needed to assert himself. when he would come to school, dark circles a couple shades darker than usual, tanaka would lead practice and let him take a fifteen minute nap in the supply closet without their coach noticing. 

it's the little things. and until now, chikara wonders if he knew. 

it never crossed third year chikara's mind to confess. it had never been an option. after all, chikara was a coward who was afraid he'd lose one of his closest friends over unrequited feelings that he thought would eventually pass. he knew then that confessing could lead to a shift in their relationship that would affect the team. he ran through the scenarios in his mind, and in the end, it just wasn't a choice he could afford. 

so he swallowed the words and ran away. 

it's been four years since then, four years since he decided the best way to move forward was to cut all ties and pour all his time and energy into getting his degree. physical therapy wasn't exactly his original plan, and everyone back home expected him to study film. 

but he was scared. he never really thought any of the short movies he filmed with the help of his friends and teammates were any good. it was a hobby he enjoyed, but he didn't see a future in it. 

so he rolled the dice and went in a direction that he hadn't considered but made sense. he knew he wasn't going to pursue volleyball further, but he wanted a career that somehow would delve into it. and during the interhigh in third year, when he landed on the foot of the other team's middle blocker. with the scare of a major injury looming, an on-call physical therapist had calmly walked him through it. 

he decided to pack his life in a suitcase and a couple of boxes and move prefectures away to study at a university far from home. it had been lonely, but he managed. after all, he barely had room to breathe, much less to dwell on pointless emotions. 

he takes a deep breath, finally opening the envelope and pulling out the invitation.

it tells him what he already knows, what he's always known. 

there's a dull ache in his chest, but it doesn't matter. 

it shouldn't matter. 

it's been four years of missing reunions and scrolling past team photos without him in it that prove that running away didn't change anything. and with a sense of finality, he decides that it's time to stop running away. 

and maybe, it's time to take the road that would take him home. 

**Author's Note:**

> um, hello!!! 
> 
> this has been plaguing my mind for a while, and i really couldn't stop thinking about this so i ended up writing more than initially thought i would? 
> 
> this isn't my first fic, but it's the first haikyuu fic i finished writing!! 
> 
> anyway, thank u for reading!!! hmu on twitter (@karasunotwt)!


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